Shut Up and Talk To Me!

Creating engagement across the business is essential to the successful implementation of any change initiative. But do most managers have the self-awareness and communication skills to achieve this? Terence Brake recounts his experience of working recently with a team of international managers and reflects on when managers should talk, and when they should listen.

For further information on TMA's approach to developing manager engagement and communication skills, please contact Terence Brake at tbrake@tmaworld.com.

'The problem with communication . . . is the illusion that it has been accomplished.'.

The situation was a familiar one. Managers divided into triads role-playing and observing one another. The topic of each conversation was 'change', but that doesn't really matter. What mattered was not what was said about the topic, but the manner of the saying.

In all the conversations I observed, the person playing the 'manager' spoke for about 90-95 percent of the time, and the person playing the 'employee' about 5-10 percent. This was surprising given that the instruction had been to practice a dialogue about change, a dialogue in which the manager was to balance advocacy with inquiry in order to arrive at a deeper level of mutual understanding, insight, learning and ownership. Dialogue, of course, is at the heart of successful collaboration, and I had just witnessed the painful demise of collaboration. As Edwin H. Friedman said, "Even the choicest words lose their power when they are used to overpower."

There could be countless reasons why the managers talked so much. Part of the phenomenon, I'm sure, is connected to the lingering archetypal role of 'manager' - a manager speaks, employees listen; a manager generates solutions, the employee implements them; the manager is handed a change initiative and it is his or her job to persuade others to get on board.

Part of the problem might have been that the managers didn't believe in the changes they were advocating and sought to paper over the cracks in their belief systems through regurgitating the 'official line' and well-worn management-speak clichés. None of the 'employees' appeared to be convinced or moved by the streams of words, and yet when it came their turn to be 'manager' they adopted the same monologist style. It was as though in every role-play, I was being forced to witness the triumph of utterance over communication and understanding. That leads me to believe the root cause of the problem is in our culture in general, and not solely in role expectations or lack of belief.

Would I have been convinced to adopt the changes being advocated by the managers? No. I might have said, "OK" just to get out of there and onto something more productive. At a superficial level I might have eventually complied, but not with any passion or belief. It's no wonder between 50-80 percent of so-called change initiatives fail.

If you want me to change, engage me. Help me to understand the story that gives the change meaning - not just the words in which the story has been wrapped. Or, to put it another way, help me to understand the real story, not the official story line. Engage me by exploring with me what the change really means for you, for me, for us. Engage me by stimulating my curiosity rather than my cynicism. Engage me by respecting me, by truly listening (not necessarily agreeing). Engage me by asking thought-provoking questions that challenge my complacency and disturb my equilibrium, and yet show caring and empathy. Engage me by tapping into what is important to me. Engage me by demonstrating trust and openness. Engage me by being you, not a mouthpiece. Engage me by talking with me and not at me. So, shut up and talk to me, won't you?

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